Thursday, March 31, 2011


I feel like a crazy mom sometimes.
Let me explain.
I feel like I can't trust people with my child easily. I know most moms feel this way, but  I think I take it to the extreme.
I guess I haven't had a date night cause I just can't leave my son with a random sitter, in my case it would be random sitter cause I live in a city where I know few people.
On top of that he is exclusively  breastfed, and he has never taken a bottle, and that makes it hard on me to leave him with anyone, including my husband.
I've tried to give him the bottle, at 2 weeks or whatever, but he didn't take it, I had a hard time BF and latching I didn't want to complicate things more. I am lucky enough that I am able to be home with him all the time, but sometimes I wish I had some "freedom" you know the freedom of you know your son will be fed somehow.
He's going to be 11 months soon, and the only person I have left him with is my grandmother. ONly her cause i trust her with all my heart.
Am i crazy or what?
You know why I write this, because I have been a nanny for most summers since college. People have found me through criagslist and trusted their SWEET CHILD/Children with me.
I am amazed on how much they trusted me.
I mean I always took my job seriously, and I treated those kids, at that time, like my own.
I remember I nannied a 3 month old. I just think of my child at 3 months, and how I couldn't even let him go.
Thank you to all those moms and dads that trusted me.
I think they liked me cause my parents always accompanied me to the interviews. Yes i was 18-20 years old, but my parents cared about ME and wanted to make sure I was safe, in case these interviews were a "set up". Crazy world we live in.
That 3 month old baby girl I nannied, her Grandma was there for the interview, at the end she gave me the key to HER HOUSE! I was shocked, but the grandma said to me, "i trust you cause I see your parents are waiting for you, and if they care about you this much, you also will take good care of my grandchild"
I was shocked.
They were the best family I ever nannied for.
Needless to say, I still can't find it in my heart to go on craigslist, nannies4hire, citysiiters, or whatever to find someone, especially cause I can stay here with him, this time only last for awhile. Of course if situations where different in my house and I had to work, i would do a crazy background check, and make sure they were loved by their parents as much as I was.
But he will be 1 soon, and weaning will start, he will drink milk from other places but me, and you know what, I am okay with that now.
I did what i told myself I would do.
It was hard, but I'm coming to grips with it.
I nursed for almost a year! that is HUGE, considering how difficult it was for me.
And just maybe I will feel okay leaving him with a friend so hubs and I can go on a date!

1 comment:

  1. I am the same way but with my second I learned to relinquish some control!