Trusting

I feel like a crazy mom sometimes.
Let me explain.
I feel like I can't trust people with my child easily. I know most moms feel this way, but  I think I take it to the extreme.
I guess I haven't had a date night cause I just can't leave my son with a random sitter, in my case it would be random sitter cause I live in a city where I know few people.
On top of that he is exclusively  breastfed, and he has never taken a bottle, and that makes it hard on me to leave him with anyone, including my husband.
I've tried to give him the bottle, at 2 weeks or whatever, but he didn't take it, I had a hard time BF and latching I didn't want to complicate things more. I am lucky enough that I am able to be home with him all the time, but sometimes I wish I had some "freedom" you know the freedom of you know your son will be fed somehow.
He's going to be 11 months soon, and the only person I have left him with is my grandmother. ONly her cause i trust her with all my heart.
Am i crazy or what?
You know why I write this, because I have been a nanny for most summers since college. People have found me through criagslist and trusted their SWEET CHILD/Children with me.
I am amazed on how much they trusted me.
I mean I always took my job seriously, and I treated those kids, at that time, like my own.
I remember I nannied a 3 month old. I just think of my child at 3 months, and how I couldn't even let him go.
Thank you to all those moms and dads that trusted me.
I think they liked me cause my parents always accompanied me to the interviews. Yes i was 18-20 years old, but my parents cared about ME and wanted to make sure I was safe, in case these interviews were a "set up". Crazy world we live in.
That 3 month old baby girl I nannied, her Grandma was there for the interview, at the end she gave me the key to HER HOUSE! I was shocked, but the grandma said to me, "i trust you cause I see your parents are waiting for you, and if they care about you this much, you also will take good care of my grandchild"
I was shocked.
They were the best family I ever nannied for.
Needless to say, I still can't find it in my heart to go on craigslist, nannies4hire, citysiiters, or whatever to find someone, especially cause I can stay here with him, this time only last for awhile. Of course if situations where different in my house and I had to work, i would do a crazy background check, and make sure they were loved by their parents as much as I was.
But he will be 1 soon, and weaning will start, he will drink milk from other places but me, and you know what, I am okay with that now.
I did what i told myself I would do.
It was hard, but I'm coming to grips with it.
I nursed for almost a year! that is HUGE, considering how difficult it was for me.
And just maybe I will feel okay leaving him with a friend so hubs and I can go on a date!

Birthday Plans

I really want a cute theme for andrew.
But I can not see myself spending 500$$ on a birthday party.

On top of that we most likely will be having it in Miami, so that means travel expenses.
Along with feeding 20+ people we know in Miami.
So I'm trying to not dissapoint myself.
Buying cute "themed" products is super expensive.
Like super.
I mean 10$ for a set of plates I want.
No thanks.
I just want to be surrounded by family and friends that love us. We have made SOME friends here in Orlando, but at the same time i know they don't "love" us.
Plus another set of baby twins are only 3 days apart and i KNOW their mom is going to throw a lavish Bday.
Hence why we aren't going to try to fight for the same brithday weekend and we just want to jett off to Miami.
We should not have even thought of where or when, since my husbands family all lives in Miami.

Anyways, I wish i did have the money to spend on  a lavish birthday, but on 1 salary its hard. I'm pretty sure if I did have the money, I would be spending it on a nice birthday :).

We had our first play date with twins today! 2 girls.
It was fun, the kids played, grabbed each other, and some hitting might have been involved, but that is what kids are like right?
Rocky of course wanted to be all in the mix, but trying to control 3 babies and rocky, i just put him in his cage, he hated it.
You know how you don't know how to feel about people who have pets.
Like you don't want to insult them and shoo the pet away, at the same time you don't want the pet near you OR the kids.
Luckliy the momma liked animals, but still.
Like me, i am NOT a cat person, I'm deathly allergic, so usually i stay away from people who live with cats, cause i can SEE the cat hair on their jackets, and i start sneezing, bad.
I am THAT allergic.
Sucks cause everyone has a cat
Maybe I should live in a bubble.

Randoms

This past sunday I hung out with my old roomate. I have mentioned she lives here in Orlando but like 45 min away from me, so we don't hang out that often.
We hang out when my hubs works long sunday days.
Although we hung out I just felt blah. I felt like I'm the boring mom friend.
Plus its not like I can do things with her while I have the baby, and I'm pretty sure she has
a hard time understanding that.
But I DO NEED a girls night out. Or girls day out. Either one. Just you know to go eat at a restaurant,preferably Indian , without having little A reaching for my plate and dropping my food on the floor.
Yeahhhhh that would be nice.
He's totally a pain right now. If this is how he is going to be until all his teeth arrive then I will not sleep for the next couple of years.
Seriously this is a pain in the butt.
I feel bad though, I can't imagine how annoying it is to feel your teeth come in. I see the second one its so almost out, but not there yet.
Ugh sweet goodness.
Meanwhile my goal this month is to try to eat healthier and try to get some exercise in.
I have someone trying to get me to do Medifast, kinda like a jenny craig, which by the way I did do jenny craig when i was 15. Yeah. 15.
I needed to look good for my Quinceanera
But i know jenny craig works, its just super expensive. If i was single and just me then yeah, why not spend 100 on food for myself and lose weight.
Same deal for this medi-fast.
Also it kinda sucks that my husband is trying to GAIN weight. His metabolism is  super fast and he can never maintain the weight he wants. Such a sadz problem to have huh?
I mean we eat pretty fine here at my house. We don't eat meat, rarely eggs, and we don't drink milk, we do soy. My problem is portion control. Gah. So hard to just eat a certain amount. sucks.
Okay im done :)
Wish me well

Relationships

Before getting married I often thought of how I would keep the realtionships in my life going.
You see my BFF and I have been friends since 5th grade and she was scared
that once I got married things would change.
Well I thought to myself, of course things will change, I am getting married
and sharing my life with someone else.
I guess I was able to maintain a good realtionship with her.
We talked (still do) on the phone often and although we don't get to spend
every single day together like we did 2 years prior to me getting married ( we were college roomates) I hoped that nothing would ruin our realtionship.
I had another best friends, and we were roomates throughout our highschool experience. We also went to elementary school but definitaley became close during highschool, of course that also put pressure on my other BFF since her parents didn't want her going
to boarding school.
Anyways my other friend and I became very close during our time as roomates. We had fights and we didn't speak for 2 months at one point. In which I moved out. BLAH BLAH it was a mess.
But ultimatley we were like sisters. Yes she was my sister. I loved her that way. I was the older one.
All those great memories left behind at my old boarding school i miss them so much. Sometimes I wish I could go back for a day, and other times when I see what my sister is going
through as a teenager again I would NEVER want to be 15 again.
We grew apart due to different choices in lifestyles. When we were young we did the same things everything we did we had in common. As I went on to college and she stayed locally to go to college she choose to do things I didn't agree on. And suddenly the things she did I did not want to partake of, and what i thought was "fun" was boring. So eventually we grew apart.
I still speak to her on FB once in awhile and I did get to see her about a year ago. I do miss our friendship, I know its not gone forever, and at least the memories were made.
I feel like Im just having a hard time maintaining friendships. A lot of my college friends call me out of the blue, and I just feel like i don't have time to talk for hours. Or when i do have time I want to spend it with my husband. Its a weird situation since I've always been surrounded by friends.
I love that they call me and keep in touch with me. That is why sometimes I am so thankful for FB. If it weren't for facebook I would probably have no idea what some of my friends are up to!
I find it easier to connect with young moms that have babies now. We have those things in common and talking about our children takes up all the time .
I just have to learn to balance those relationships

When do you think its okay?

I spoke to my mom today, she was clearly not in a good mood. Turns out something is up with my sister.
Its not something serious to most parents, its life to most, but to my parents it is not acceptable at this age.
My sister is 14 and she has a possible boyfriend.
My parents have NEVER allowed us to date before 18. But you know what happens when your NOT allowed, you do it anyways and you do it secretly.
And doing things in secret causes more problems, you start lying and start doing things even more cause you think no one knows.
See my parents had it SO easy with me.
I was always good. Never misbehaved. Did things "correctly" whatever that means and just overall never gave them a headache.
Of course on the other hand i was a difficult CHILD and i have a temper, whether people see it or not I do have a temper, it comes from my dad.
Either way, the years that "matter" those were the ones i was "good"
That doesn't mean i didn't "like" boys at 13,14,15... I did, i was just TOO shy and i didn't consider myself attractive till i was 16 anyways.
When i was 16 I went to boarding school.
I LOVED it there it was best times ever.
I had a crush on a boy, and he didn't like me back. which was fine.
I never thought of dating anyone throughout highschool anyways. I was a nerd and got striaght A's.
But then out of no where the "hottest, popular" guy told all my friends he liked me.
He was a man whore, He dated all the girls and thought he was the "ish" .
When i found out he told my friends GF to tell me i told her " tell him NOT IN A MILLION YEARS"
Yup. i loathed him
My best friend had been in love with him since 7th grade.
I knew his name "j"
I have heard of him since i was in 7th grade also.
Needless to say he tried REALLY hard to just talk to me. He waiting outside of my band practice, my bell practice, my choir practice.. he waited just to walk with me to my dorm room.
Did I mention he was the Head dean and pastors kid?
Yeah.
FInally i started to let my walls down after i read his journal.
How did i get his jorunal?
Well i was the english/spanish teachers assistant.
I helped him grade papers.
This was a boarding school that you also worked to help pay your own tution.
I had to "check" that everyone had certain amount of journal entries and give them points.
So his journal was next.
I was "should i... should i not..."
I did, I couldn't help myself, I wanted to see if he talked about me in his journal.
And he did.
He said how i was different from all the other girls, and that we would want to marry me.
He said he was SHY for the first time ever around a girl and that I made him feel like a little school boy.
After that I started to give him a chance.
Long story short, we never dated, but he was my first kiss.
Once a bad boy always a bad boy? Well in his case it was true.
He ended up going to college, * he was a year older than me*
and he got his GF pregnant.
Yeah. I escaped that one.
Ill tell my love story with my husband at another time.
The point it is my sister is going through HELL with my parents once they found out she was holding hands with this boy.
My dad was like " I CAN'T handle seeing my little girl holding hands with a boy"

I told my parents they need to chill and realize my sister is NOT ME.
A lot of people except a lot from her cause of me.
My mom thinks if she has a BOYFRIEND now she will NEVER finish college and will get married and not get a degree.
Its her own fears.
She had 1 more year of dental school when she got married then pregnant with me, and moved to america and never finished school.
That is her biggest fear, and i UNDERSTAND that.
But i told her MOST highschool loves, not ALL usually end .
I told her to relax.
They told her she couldn't date till she was 18.
Somehow i managed to lower the age to 16 today.
They need a chill pill and trust their parenting.
See his parents have been secretly taking them to movies and my sister has been lying to them
I told them they can't be mad, cause she is going to lie to them cause she can't be open about those things.
What do you think?
What has been your experience?

Its official

We're moving from orlando June 19, well at least I am.
See the hospital that my husband works for is paying for one trip to go "house hunting" in Michigan. We were going to use that paid trip the same weekend out friends are getting married in chicago. Then my hubs came with the news that that house trip was scheduled at a specific time in june.
Since we have a 10 month old now that HATES his car seat, and HATES being in the car for more than 20 minutes, there is no way in hell I'm doing 2 20 hour roadtrips.
So when we go up in June to michigan/chicago area I am just going to stay there till my husband comes back officially to move to michigan in august.
So I'll be home for a little over a month with my family. It will be SO NICE to just be there with them.
At the same time sadness cause I don't like to be away from him for a long time. He said the sweetest thing he was like " you think the baby will forget about me"
Aww. yes I told him NO he will always remember you.
I love when he shows mushy gushy emotions.
He's not always the most expressive person he has his own way of showing his love and affection.
We had a wonderful "family" day yesterday.
We went to burlington coat factory to look for winter coats for next year.
Yes in March.
IN orlando at 85 degrees.
I think everyone thought we were crazy.  We were trying them on and walking around to see if they were warm enough.ect... We def got stares.
Little booger has had a fever the past days, a low grade one, but hopefully it will go down.
Hes not being unusual just a fever.
Ugh.
Who knew a little child could control your life, your feelings, and thoughts every second of the day.

10 Months. T-E-N

Dear Dres,

This is my new nick name for you this month. I am known to have like a gajillion nicknames for people. Along those nicknames also are Boo-boo,bunny,desi boy,and your dad's favorite "daddy boy" although you know your mommas boy ;)
This month you have been very vocal. You make a lot of different noises and have all these cool intonations to your voice. You will always be "whispering" something when you get up and as you play with something, as if you wish you could talk but you just make "talky"noises.
There is still no "mama" or "dada" but soon i feel like your going to get there :)
You are very very mobile, you crawl like crazy and super fast, this month you have been brave and let go of whatever your standing and you can stand for about 30 seconds now!
You tried to "walk" and I freaked out, I want you to be my baby forever and ever. I know momma is crazy.
You  still nurse, and i LOVE every moment of it.
You eat a little of everything. You are not the best eater, if that makes sense. You will take little bites here, and there and if i need to feed you I have to sit you down and force you to eat.
This is not a good start, but I am hoping its because your tooth finally popped through!
THATS RIGHT WE HAVE A TOOTH.
It came last thursday, and its been some crazy nights these past few days!
I was hoping for 2 teeth to come at a time, but I guess they wanna come one at a time. Oh well ;)
You are so funny, you have such a cute little personality.
You laugh when daddy makes any strange sound and since your daddy is crazy and loves to dance around the house you have also acquired that spirit. You dance and you look so cute!
You have a new laugh this month, its adorable.
You make us so happy andrew.
You are seriously the reason we get up and do things in the morning.
The reason daddy works so hard and the reason I get up.
We love you so much.

Only one!!!???

These past night have been H E L L
Why you ask? Cause those pesky teeth are FINALLY coming in.
He will be 10 months old tomorrow, and now they decided to come in.
I was hoping 2 would come in at a time, nope. ONE.AT.A.TIME
And I? Well we have not been the lucky ones in the parenting department. Everything that books warn you will happen, has happened to us.
On top of that his little tooth decided to pop up during DST, so its been extra tough.
He was waking up at 4 am then back to his crib till 7am, but these last days he's been up at 11 then 1,at 1am he wants to be up at awake, poking us in bed. Its been crazy.
Last night was the worst.
He woke up at 1:30, in between me comforting, holding, rocking, nursing, and trying to get him back into his crib, it was 4 am when he finally stayed asleep.
Needless to say i was TIRED AS HECK.
Now I leave you with his regular look,thanks to the tooth.

No she is not my lover she is my friend

Let me start by saying I am NOT against homosexuality. I think to each its own. At the same time i have my own reservations about it, I won't go into detail or religious opinions about it, cause everyone can make their case about it.
Anyways.
My friend and I whom i've known since college, she was my roomate, we hang out maybe once a month since she does live in orlando, but about 45 minutes away from me!.
Everytime we go out everyone thinks we are a couple.
Maybe its cause we are both hispanic?
I don't know.
Whatever happened to the days when people would not assume right away.
One time we were at IKEA and this little boy turned around saw us, and his mouth dropped.
He turned around to his dad and said "dad look at them they even have a baby"
Yes i had my son in my arms.
We laughed it off like we usually do.
But the stares, and glares. I feel bad for those who are in a same sex relationship and get stares.
At the same time I am VERY used to the stares since I am in an interracial marriage.
So its always interesting.
Why do people do that to others?
Interracial, same sex, or just plain "weird" looking couples.
We were at panera this past sunday, and these 2 older men where sitting across from us, like 2 feet away.
I guess he was observing us the whole time, because i got up to put the tray away and my son stayed in the high chair with my friend at the table.
OF course he whined as soon as i got up but as i got back i picked him and we were walking out when he said:
him: "excuse me miss, you have a well behaved son"
me:  " oh thank you, this is a rare occasion i guess "
him: " i can see through this situation who is the "mom" and who is the "mother"
me: * silence*
me: " ha, yeah"... walk away.

See I feel awkward still.
I am so old school.
I don't know how to feel about that yet.
I know the men were trying to be "more accepting" of homosexuality in this new decade.
But for me I still feel like its a "hush hush" situation.
And i know its totally not anymore.
So I guess i'll just laugh it off.
Its not a big deal. Its just a new changing world.

Sleepless nights final

After those glorious 3 weeks, the waking up in the middle of the night began again.
It was strange cause I had been so spoiled those last 3 weeks, that when he was waking up, I was like WHATTT IS GOING ON!!!
He started waking up 3 times during the night again.
I'm pretty sure it was because he was learning all these new motor skills, and he just didn't want to just lay there.
He was pulling up on his crib and standing and crying, and thats why he couldn't put himself back to sleep, cause he stood up and didn't know how to get back down.
It was an exhausting couple of weeks all over again until we could get him down to only getting up once during the night.
The hard part of all this was that, once he cried the first time around 12 am I was too lazy to feed him and get up and put him in his crib again, so he ended up just sleeping with us.
at 7 months old, it was not a very fun time.
He was crawling on top of us when he would wake up again at 3.
Poking us, scratching us, and just crawling dangerously close to the end of the bed.
It was getting very annoying.
But like most books say, once they learn something new, they wanna keep practicing, and for him it was standing up.

Now he is almost 10 months old, and he goes down around 7pm and gets up again at 4 am. I don't know why 4am but its been pretty consistant.
I know he doesn't need to be fed, but i bring him back to bed and nurse him, he isn't interested and starts crawling all over the bed.
At 4 am. it is not fun.
Then my husband one day got up and just put him back in his crib, and he fell asleep.
Miracle.
So from now on, He is the one who puts him back at 4 am. I know if i were to put him back, he would start crying like crazy.
And we have neighbors i feel so bad for andrew's constant screaming.

Now hes' been teething BAD for real this time
and today i actually felt a little tooth on the bottom!! ekkkk!!
So i know night will be rough.
If i've learned anything these last 10 months is that I need to stop thinking that 'oh his 10 months old he should be sleeping through the night'
Cause you know what, its not going to happen.
Children are constantly changing.
Growing, learning new skills, and they wanna practice them. Which means at 4 am they will be up and crying or jumping on top of you pulling your hair.

So for the next 17 years i'll be prepared for the sleepless nights that follow.

And even when he goes to college, I won't sleep thinking if he's okay, making the right choices in his life, being a responsible boy.

Sorry to break it to all the mommas who want  a baby to sleep through the night, or who like me have been teased by 3 weeks of 12 hour stretched only to be brought back to reality!

This is life. a good life with a baby in arms and lots of cuddles, these night will soon pass and I know i will miss my little baby.

Sleepless nights part 3

Now that Andrew was becoming more mobile, the sharing of the bed became much more complicated.
I swear my back was going to split in two since i was always on my side and my husband was always rolling over at the wrong times. It was a weird skill we both acquired to stay as still as possible since apparently a 6 month old could take all your bed space.
Out routine, if he didn't fall asleep nursing in the bed with me, would be be rocking him to sleep.
He was getting heavy that 18 pound 6 month old boy.
One night we came back from shopping on a saturday night, and i was rocking him, but he was NOT HAVING IT.
He wiggled and screamed and it seemed like he just wanted to be free in his bed.
I was fed up.
He wasn't falling asleep, he didn't want to be rocked now what>?
I put him in his pack and play and walked out.
My husband was shocked i was letting him cry.
But I just could not take it anymore.
And he cried, for 10 minutes and he fell asleep.
I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT
I was not against the Cry it out method at the correct time, which is suggested about 6 months. but at the same time I don't know if my heart could handle an 1 hour or 2 even of crying like the book said may or may not happen.
So when it only took 10 minutes that one night, that we accidentally let him cry I knew it was time to let him learn on his own.
Plus, he did not want to be rocked anymore so he kinda told us himself that he was done with all that :).
That first night he woke up once at 4 am. I just patted his back and he fell back asleep.
The first night he slept in our room in his pack and play, but at the same time I knew it could be torturous for him since i was right there and he could smell my milk.
The second night we put him in his own room in his crib.
I was so paranoid.
I don't have a camera monitor, so of course i was walking in like every 30 minutes to check on him. But he was fine.
The second night he slept through the whole night.
from 8-8.
I was shocked.
It had taken 6 months for us to get to this magical night.
6 MONTHS!
my husband and I could actually cuddle and hug that night.
It was the weridest feeling ever.
I cried cause i did miss sleeping next to him
But that feeling only lasted that night.
for the next 3 weeks he slept through the whole night.
I was like " could it be this easy?!"
but it wasn't the case after those 3 weeks....

Sticky Words. I love them

Before moving here to florida we spent a couple days at an old co-workers house. As soon as I walked in she had a BEAUTIFUL wall decal on her wall. I wanted it SO BAD.
She luckily remembered where she got it from and gave me the name. I looked them up and placed my order.

Sticky Words is awesome. They have the best religious quotes, those are the ones I wanted and they have really cute kid ones as well!

I love love love them.

So once i ordered it they were easy to put on, and they even had a youtube video in case you didn't understand the instructions.


Needless to say I want to keep ordering them, and since Im moving soon I have to order some more! they are the perfect accent to home decor!

so please check them out
http://www.stickywords.net/Religious.html

you will not be dissapointed!

Sleepless nights part 2

We then began the co-sleeping part. I loved it, the hubs accepted it, it was working out fine. Andrew eventually started getting into a routine. I had to start a routine because this child was everywhere.
I feel like babies before 4 or 5 months have their own routine, they do what they want no matter how hard you try. So I wasn't going to try to force him to sleep at a certain time, I was going to go with his flow and hopefully more rest was to come.
At 4 months I slowly started a routine. I would bathe him around 8 and try to nurse him by 9 and hopefully he'd be asleep by 10.
It was working, we were consistent and he started to realize after the bath, it was bed time soon after.
He was still sleeping with us in bed at this point, but I could guarantee that by 10 pm he would be sleeping.
It was nice, I would put him to sleep in our bed and then I could come out and just hang out with my husband, something we hadn't done in a long time, you know just us sitting in the living room together.
He would cry probably every 3 hours still, but the co-sleeping helped a lot for me not to feel totally exhausted.
Sometimes it was annoying to not be able to have ALL My bed, but at the same time I was not going to have the energy to get up and nurse him, and he was NOT having it sleeping in the play pen next to us.
It was hard, sometimes i felt so frustrated. Before he was born I thought " all moms need to do is be consistent and train the baby, sleep is so easy"
So stupid .
Even throughout our parenting classes, there was a class that said " if you catch your baby's cues fast enough you won't have to hear them cry"
What the heck!? i need to go back to the center and tell them to remove all those pamphlets.
Anyways, things were finally getting into a routine and now it was just getting a bit crowded in out bed....

Restless nights part 1

Inspired by Kristin I am going to talk about sleep.
My son was a very difficult baby, I mean to us, maybe to others he might have been easy, compared to stories I sometimes think we just had a 'normal' new born, whatever 'normal' means.
He slept perfect in the hospital, and I seriously thought we got SO lucky. My husband and I were like OH MY GOODNESS, he is so sweet and quiet. HA HA HA joke was on us.

My husband and I love to tell the horror story of the first night we brought Andrew home. I think we tend to scare new parents off easily, but it was a crazy night.
We got home after being discharged around 10 pm AT NIGHT. probably bad idea to leave that night but we had been in the hospital since friday and it was monday night, we were So ready to go.
We got home and got ready for bed. I tried to nurse him and swaddle him, and we placed him in his crib. What the hell were we thinking?! why did we think that he would just fall asleep and we could climb into bed?! I laugh at myself now, I was so stupid.
Of COURSE he started screaming his head off. poor thing. I picked him up and rocked him, and still nothing. it was probably 1 am by now, and we were there holding him, nursing, rocking, everything, and nope he was still awake.
At 4 am my husband started building a swing we bought, and I was sitting there cracking up thinking how desperate we were to get some sleep.
We put him in the swing, and he fell asleep. 4:30 am.
We climbed into bed and thought OMG is this how he is going to be ?!
He woke up at 6:30 am.
We were so high on "new baby is here" ness, that i didn't feel tired that first night.
But things did NOT get better.
He was the type of newborn that was awake more than he was asleep.
Forget the books that said newborns sleep 20-22 hours a day. I thought OMG this newborn baby thing is going to be so easy.
Lets not forget to add the breasfeeding issues, cracked nips, and sleepless baby= very frustrated momma.
I felt like i was constantly nursing and I just needed a break so bad.
He would always fall alseep around 11 or 12 at night and wake up at 2, 4, 5,7, then maybe a long stretch till 11am.
Things were hard, but I think I got used to the schedule. I didn't even bother with books about sleep training, or people who would tell me to let him cry it out at 2 weeks old.
It was ridiculous to me.
I remember one really hard hard night, he didn't fall asleep till 5 am and he was up since 6 pm. I was crying at that point. My husband was working and he had to get up to work at 5 am, i didn't wanna bother him, but he did get up and try to rock him and nothing. it was so hard that night i think i almost lost it.
Eventually we ended up just co-sleeping with him, its nothing we thought of doing before , it kinda just happened. After nursing got better * latching issues* it was SO SO SO much easier for me to nurse in bed. It felt like i was still "sleeping" cause I didn't have to get out of bed.
The saga continues tomorrow...

Randoms

Yesterday I tried to do something TOTALLY out of my comfort zone. I tried to make some "tie" cut outs for my little boy.
And just for the record, i can NOT cut striaght! I have never been able to, i failed kindergarden lol. I couldn't cut "on the dotted line" either. Oh well.
This is just for fun, just say i can make those plain white tees more attractive.

i used an old shirt of his, so maybe the fabric wasn't working for me, but hey i think it looks cute :) ( to me the least creative person ever)

I love that picture of my sleeping baby. those are the best times. The times i can just stare at him and touch his little toes. I love all of him.

He's been so funny lately, making TONS of new sounds and using different intonations in his voice, i love it.
I love to see his language grow, and I am STILL WORKING HARD on teaching him spanish. It is NOT easy, when your husband doesn't speak it. He will learn if it kills me. I am fluent in both, not spanglish but actual spanish.
did i mention i hate spanglish? (cause i do)

Also I can't wait for the summer, In july going to chicago for mutal friends wedding of the hubs and I, he is a groomsmen. Then I will stay there for a month, until the hubs comes back from florida again. YAY a month with my family! and a good friend from college is coming up to visit me!  I love being home.

I can't wait to take andrew downtown.

i leave you with this picture of rocky and andrew trying to fight for the puffs.
as my best friend put it " rocky wishes he had thumbs at that moment" indeed he does.

My role

I've been having this crazy urge to try  new things.
That is the problem of being a stay at home mom, you start to feel like you don't have a place in the "real world".
Sometimes I feel like my friends are looking at me with pitty, like "awww you stay home with him" in which i respond, "yes, Its the best job ever". And it is.
I love every minute, and I cherish this grand opportunity to do so!

But you know, as any woman, you want to feel like your an adult, and not just constantly singing some silly song and rolling around on the floor to make your son laugh ( which is totally worth it)
I know I can not get my master for awhile, with my hubs job and the moving, but I am also scared the longer I wait, the more irrelevant the knowledge i currently have will become.
At the same time, I myself, haven't sat down and read journals of new findings, therapies, ect.. I am too busy, and to be honest, I love being home in PJS all day with my son.
I just get those random feelings when i see my husband get ready for work, that I wish I could be going to work. sometimes. for now I am happy where I am.
I just wish that people wouldn't look at a SAHM as a"sad" thing or " you poor thing". I know the women who look down on me, cause I cook and clean, and i fit a "role"
But they don't know that role yet, they haven't been where i am.
They haven't held that cuddly baby and just smell that yummy baby smell.
The hard times exists 24/7, the sleepless night, all that jazz that comes with a new baby.
But I love my role.
The role I play , i hold the family together.