Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The boob.

When I made the decision to nurse, it was something i was SO sure of. My mom highly encouraged me since she nursed us for years ( yes 3 years... gross i know). I knew that I always wanted to nurse, and i never debated between whether or not i was going to, but the whole entire time i was pretty sure the whole nursing process was going to be easy.
My mom has a severe case of mastitis, to the point where she had a huge whole in her left breast because she was too young and stupid to tell anyone that a HUGE ball was forming, they had to do surgery and it was just a mess. She kept nursing me. She was determined, but at the same time i think she was just lazy, lol. I look at me now and when i had to wash some bottles i felt like OMG i hate this, it was so much simpler to just pull out the boob and feed him. It still is.
It has been an up and down right now with supply and demand but im hoping its because i just am not consuming enough calories. I know its weird to have to "eat" more but i need to to keep my supply up.
But back to the beginning of this nursing process, it was HARD. VERY VERY HARD. I hate that lactation specialist make it seem like its the easiest thing in the world, and in my head it was going to be "easy". Like i was so cocky and sure that this was going to be the easiest thing in the world.
Boy was I wrong.
My son had a TINY mouth when he was born. He didn't latch, and if he did he would latch on on to HALF of the tip of my nip. HALF OF IT.  it was HORRIBLE. i was in a lot of pain. I hated feeding time. Seriously. i was crying most of the time it was time to feed. The first days where horrible.
I had no milk, he couldn't latch, and on top of that my mom who was my main support about breastfeeding said " if your having such a hard time maybe formula would be ok". I cried more. Not about the formula, but that she was my support. I WANTED to nurse, i just wanted to hear YOU CAN DO IT. I needed that, i needed to know that things would get easier. I did cry and i told my mom why are you saying that, just tell me it will be okay. She just said she HATED to see me suffer, and of course she wants to just tell me something that would let her not see me suffer.

The first 3 months sucked, but things get better, my nipples got used to it, we were happy. We still are, and I am hoping we can make it to the year that i promised.

And thats where my second point comes in. Stopping nursing. Im going to cry. I know i am. Its weird but its something me and him share. Me and him. My boy and me.
Super super sadz now.
Its okay. I love him and life must go on

1 comment:

  1. I thought it was going to be super hard quitting. However, you get to the point where you are at peace with what you did for your child. Like I said in my post, I wanted to quit on MY terms. And I did. That made it that much easier to move on and bond in other ways as well. Congrats on sticking with it!