Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The post about race.

This is going to be a very emotional post for me. As you can tell I am married to a black man and I am a hispanic woman, thus we have a "mixed" baby.
I never ruled out any race as a young girl. At the same time I wasn't attracted to a "certain" race. In high school I liked a white boy and he liked me. It was nice to know that I didn't have to "Stay" within my race.
My family isn't racist in any way, but at the same time NO ONE in my family has ever "Mixed" everyone married someone from ecuador and thus I was going to be the one to turn my family around.
They grew up in ecuador, so of course they are going to find someone of their race and culture.
I grew up in America. In my whole life i've had SO Many friend of different races and I NEVER just hung out with spanish people, in fact I have a few spanish friends, most of my friends are white, black, or mixed.
My best friend she is half korean half white, and maybe something else, since her mom was adopted from korea when she was 3 years old. She was adopted to a BLACK family in the SOUTH in the 40's. Yeaahhhhh.
When I went to college, my university was quite diverese. I ended up having a black,white, and hispanic roomate my years in college.
It seemed that black guys were attaracted to me. I don't know why they just were. I in return became interested in them as well. I never really thought about the color of their skin really. I just knew that i also liked them.
Finally my freshman year i met Andrew ( my hubs now). He was a dark skinned black man. It wasn't love at first sight * i don't even believe in that* but it was like at first sight.
He and I formed and amazing friendship. He was such a gentle and sweet man that I just fell for him.
We started dating my sophomore year and i was SO nervous to tell my parents.
See, i know my parents were not going to say YOU CAN"T DATE A BLACK MAN!, i was just scared to a. tell them i had a bf ( he was my only bf) b. bring someone of a different culture home.
They first met him at my birthday when i just told them he was my "friend". HA, they KNEW right away something was up between us.
Finally i told them, he was my boyfriend. They didn't say anything, they just wanted to get to know him more and see how he treated ME.
I was SO SO happy. I knew it was going to be okay, but at the same time i had no IDEA how they were going to react . Remember I'm the ONLY one to bring someone different to my family.
Finally they got to know him and they loved him. To me color wasn't an issue, it never has been. But of course my mom made the point to tell me how important education is to people of color so that NO ONE can say anything bad to them. she told me my kids have to do better than us and even more because the babe was going to be 2 minorities.
I was bothered. I HATE HATE HATE that the world has to be this way. I HATE IT.
Why does it matter what color skin you have?! why!!!
Why do I feel like i have to defend my husband and my son.
AND i have to defend myself too.
I'm a hispanic girl, and of course there is stereotypes and it bothers meeeeeeeeee.
I love my family i love my son.
When our son was born he was VERY VERY LIGHT.
I knew he was going to come out light. Even black babies come out light at first, and since he was mixed i knew he was going to be light.
What hurt at the hospital is that everyone ignored my husband. The doctors the nurse they all ignored him. I WAS MAD.  I HATED That just cause the baby was light that they had to ignore my hubs.
He didn't take it to heart he said he has to be "used to it", which made me MORE MAD! Why do you have to used to it??! WHY!  you shouldn't feel like you are treated a certain way because of your skin color.
I told him its okay they probably think your the nice black man who took me and my son in and i was the whore. haha.

Anyways things have been interesting thus far. Our son is fairly "light" in comparison to my hubs, BUT at the same time he looks sooo much like the hubs there is no denying they are father and son.
Of course people look at us.
Tell us how cute he is
Ask me stupid questions like "is he the dad"
most of the time i wanna slap them but i just say " of course"
I know people are always going to ask, but i just wish in the future thing keep improving with race.
I know we have an interracial president which is amazing, but that by no means eliminated racism in this country. We have to strive to keep teaching our children respect for other cultures and people.
I remember watching that CNN thing in which they asked kids of different age to show who they thought was the "bad" child and they pointed to the black kid. That bothers me. Of course they learn these behaviors at home, kids hear things, comments made about certain races. I keep hoping one day racism will be gone, i know it won't but i hope this new generation is more tolerant of others, and that everyone lets their child fall in love with whom ever they want.


  1. This blog saddened me and yet I still feel hopeful. It breaks my heart to hear the comments that you and Andrew receive as an inter-racial couple, but it also gives me hope in how you respond and what you are teaching your son. I love you guys!

  2. Oh gaby...the issue of race is really important to me too. In fact, I've taken an entire class (not in college or anything, just on my own time called 'racial reconciliation'..which is all about talking outright about racism, the fact that there is underlying racism in everything (how sad) SIMPLY because of the way this entire country was based :/ Its horrible. One of the points to the class is not to be "color blind", because they say, that is IGNORANT. "Oh, I don't see your color", because, as a black woman was teaching the class she said, "I don't want someone to IGNORE that I'm black! That's my culture. Thats ME". That makes perfect sense too.

    See, I'm part of a new church thats being started in our city. A very strongly racially diverse city. One of the main goals of the church is to be multiracial-intentionally. Most churches try at this and fail because they say things like "we welcome all cultures" BUT when you walk in the door, they are only doing everything ONE way (aka: typical 'white' worship, or preaching, or everyone in leadership is white (or insert another race), etc...

    But at our church, the leadership is diverse--we sing our worship in spanish, we sing some gospel, there is some hip/hop & rap, and then traditional type worship songs.

    So anyway. My sister is engaged to a 'black' guy :) In fact, he's half trinidadian & half white. My sister is all white. (obviously).

    Anyway---good post, its real what you're saying...and the fact that people ignored him in the hospital? That kind of stuff just pisses me off but just goes to show how much work WE ALL (entire country) has to do on this topic. It is NOT over but yet we all turn a blind eye toward it.

    Love your honesty.