Being a mom of 1

I've read articles latley of only having one child. the pros and cons. ALL THAT JAZZZZZZ.
Its annoying.
Seriously this is one of the biggest decisions I've ever made.
This is why i wished for twins. One and done. We would have had no choice but to DEAL with 2 babies.
Instead now we know the taste of having children, and well honestly we are just not prepared to handle another one.
My hubs and I. We just aren't
there are moments of weakness, of sibiling love scenes from other parents but then i dont know. I doubt myself. I get frazzled easily, I wish I could calm my child down when he has a tantrum, i wish he wasn't growing up so fast which makes the decision of having another hard, cause time is ticking, cause if you dont have another baby soon before he turns 3 then the age gap is too much. blah . blah. blah.

Then i think, what if my child was an only child? would that be the END of the world?
I get the "oh he'll be so lonely", and i freak out.
Me and my sister are 9 years apart. and that is a HUGE age gap. I never really had a "sister" as a child, now we are closer, but she's 15 and i'm 24.

I don't know. I feel like I need to make a decision about more children soon, but I know im not ready.
sigh.