The story about the weaning :(

Sometime at the end of may I got severely sick suddenly. I was throwing up and I felt the illness come.
You know that feeling that you suddenly feel "weird"? yeah well.. that happened. I thought maybe I was just tired, but slowly my body started to ache and I was miserable.
Basically  I had a bad stomach bug, I ended up in the ER because pretty sure I was dehydrated and my head was about to fall off.
The pain was unbearable.
So before I ended up in the ER I went to see a Doctor, who prescribed this strong anti nausea medicine so that maybe I could drink water without throwing it up.
Clearly the pharmacist STRONGLY suggested I stop Breastfeeding if I take that drug.
Well, I was so desperate to feel better, since a house runs ever so not smoothly without momma being healthy, I HAD TO GET BETTER.

So I nursed him the last time, it was quick, right before bed. I felt I didn't get to enjoy it cause I was in a lot of pain but I remember thinking, "this is the last nursing session".
I cried, in fact all the emotions are coming back right now typing this.
I was a mess.
A big ugly mess.
I mean I hoped that he would "wean" himself, that he would be uninterested in me and that would maybe make things easier, even though I know its hard anyways but it was much harder since neither of us was ready.
He learned to say mama that week.
When i stopped he came up to me, crying , touching my chest and saying "mamamama"
I cried more.
All I wanted to do was feed my child.
It seems so stupid perhaps since he doesn't need me solely for food, but I was devastated.
The first week, bed time was the hardest.
Our routine involved me nursing him in his room spending time kissing him and stroking his hair telling him how much i love him.
And now? it was a cup of soy milk through a straw * he has never taken a bottle* and hugs and kisses.
Something was missing... and I could not handle it.
I would run back to our room and start sobbing, ugly ugly cries to my husband.
He didn't know what to do but to say "its okay babe you did a good job"
But I was mad, he didn't understand what it felt like to nurse a child, the joys and pain it brought me.
I remember how difficult it was the first 3 months of nursing, that I would count down the months thinking " only 9 more months.. only...."
Then when his first birthday came, the time I planned on weaning him, i realized I was not ready to do it.
Then the sickness from hell took place.
I loved nursing him.
And the ugly cries happend for a week.
Until I was able to get ahold of myself, and realize I had done a good job, that I need to let my son grow up.
I guess I felt I was losing my "baby" and now looking at a big boy grow.
I took it as a lesson that I needed to let go of my fear of watching him grow.
I felt better and happier.
And now? I have the best memories of our breastfeeding time.
Its the best thing I have done in my life, is the time spent with him.

#2 birthday post!

Yesterday was crazyyy we had at least 40 people here.
It was suppose to rain all day yesterday but God was so good to us and kept the rain away and it was PERFECT weather, not 1 cloud in the sky, high of 75. I mean how good is God to my family?
The night before was prep night, meaning my mom said she was going to "help" me cook, I knew she wasn't, she is not gifted in that department so since she has been the crazy one running around ordering, decorating, ect... I just chopped everything.
We decided to do chipotle style bowls so that means LOTS of veggies. I chopped like 30 onions, tomatoes, bell peppers, you can imagine how my hands were cramping. But everything went well, people thought we catered from chipotle, so im assuming no left overs at all is a good sign that everyone enjoyed their meal :).
It feels like seasme street threw up in my house, mostly elmo, but man I really don't wanna hear his little voice for awhile.
Andrew had an awesome time, jumping in his bouncy house and just overall being the sweet little boy he is.
I also love my parents.
Seriously, they are so good to my family. My mom might be over the top a bit, but she does it with so much love, and she wants him to look back at video and pictures and remember that he has a family that loves him so much so no random girl can just come take my son away hahaha * im being a bit psychotic already *
*ahem* I swear I won't be a crazy MIL promise.
so here are some pics from my aunts camera that I stole on fb cause I am on a very old computer !

Birthday Number 2

Ever since the baby was born my moms biggest desire was for her to throw him his 1st birthday.
BUT since i was living in orlando, and I ALSO wanted to throw him his birthday we decided it would be okay to throw him 2.
I know this sounds frivolous but how can I possibly take my moms dream of throwing him a party away?
and? since we were like 1200 miles away we couldn't collaborate to make one bigger party.
But you guys my mom is crazy.She loves to get the party going. seriously
She rented a bounce house and a snow cone maker.
Yeah shes like that.
And i really can't tell her no cause i will hurt her feelings so bad.
I did have to convince her that we DO NOT NEED A RIDING BULL MACHINE>
so tomorrow is the big day again, and yet here I am making and chopping veggies because we are making chipotle style bowls with tortillas.
So i just chopped about 50 tomatoes and my grandma made like a huge bowl of black beans... you get the point. my dad will be grilling chicken on the spot... and so on...
wish me luck tomorrow dealing with the parents

Im backk!

Alas I am back!
Its been a crazy month of  lot of moving and changes!
officially in chicago here with my family. Its nice
The road trip up from orlando to chicago-hell
The baby cried about 80% of the time and it was bad. nothing nothing would soothe him.
now Im here along with my baby.
We are really enjoying our time with mami ma and papico and my sister!
We were able to find an apartment in our new place of residence-michigan.
You guys I don't know how to feel about it. I love the north cause its were my family is at.
But? this last year in florida and about 3 years in TN, I have been spoiled with mild to wonderful weather.
So this year when it starts snowing and blizzards, and lake effect snow? in november? I might die.
It was a LITTLE cold last night and I could not breathe and needed my inhaler after 6 months of not using it.
UGH.
It really frustrates me when i have to go back to using my inhaler . My body hatesss any kinda weather change.Since i've been living in over 80 degrees since March, my body couldn't handle the 58 degrees of last night. I don't even want to imagine the the 30's,20's, and 10's.
Anyway, the baby is so big and growing. He walks around everywhere, thats is just how he moves around now, and at first it was strange, but now? its just how he is... a little person walking.
I will post a whole post on my weaning experience.
Hopefully I can get back to a regular posting schedule1

MIA

hello friends! ive been gone due to lack of a computer. its dead and now it has to be sent for repair.so thats another 2 weeks or so...by then ill be on my way up to michigan to look for an apartment. meanwhile i have a lot of random events that has happened  here including a very severe stomach bug that sent me to the emergency room along with weaning of my baby. im writting this via cell phone so you can imagine how fun that is. hopefully i can get on a computer soon.!